The Fairy Tale Goes on ...

Question 1:

"I wonder if my wife still appreciates me. Last week, I bought her a necklace and a flower bouquet to celebrate her birthday. When she received the gifts, her first response was to put me down by saying that it was not necessary and it was a waste of money. I find her response very discouraging. I thought she would be happy to receive the gifts..."

Our response: For the "giver"

First of all, your intent for buying your partner a gift is to bring her happiness. If this is the goal, there are many means to achieve that. The means can be as complicated as a carefully planned, surprise candlelight dinner at home or as simple as a morning/ good night kiss. Remember, your goal is to make your significant other happy. Knowing what your partner wants and using your creativity are the keys.

For the "receiver"

As a receiver, you need to understand the intent of your partner. You need to first appreciate his intentions (affections) before making comments on the gift itself (cognition). Use your heart first, then use your head. Also, it is important that both of you enjoy the moment of sharing. Otherwise, the gift would be a real waste!

Question 2:

"I'd like to think that I would only be attracted by my spouse. However, in reality, I often find myself attracted by other people? How should I deal with that?"

Our response:

There are many married individuals who will find your "reality" relevant to themselves. In dealing with your concern, there is no single formula. For persons who stick to values, a reminder of their commitment to marriage may be helpful. For others, withdrawing from interaction with their "new attractions" may be the only way out. However, there is one tip that is applicable to all - not to develop a habit of making comparison between your spouse with those "new attractions". The danger of constantly comparing your significant other with your "new attraction" is that you are prompt to overlook the beauties in your partner and exemplify the attractiveness of your "new attraction", which will only lead to dissatisfaction, discontentment and the overwhelming drive for excitement. Indulgence in these feelings will lead to irrational decisions followed by trouble consequences.

We hope that this section would help you sort out some of the puzzles in your love relationship. For practical tips to enhance your love relationship, please refer to our Fall 2002 release.